Theories, just theories …

Today I maneuvered into an overload situation. Nausea attack became overwhelming at work. I felt dizzy and couldn’t concentrate on the screens anymore. My colleagues reacted immediately and called the emergency service at the airport to announce my arrival. The emergency doctor measured blood pressure and gave me something against nausea, a rather sparse examination in my eyes, ignoring dizziness. I told about suspecting kidney stones at first because renal colics started similar a couple of years ago, I went to the urologist a few days earlier but everything was clean. The doctor didn’t believe me and squinched up her face. I decided to visited another emergency doctor, an emergency general practitioner recommended a few months earlier. To do so, however, I had to get off this infrastructurally fucked up airport. Crowded people all over the platform. The first suburban train arriving has been quickly filled up with a bunch of loud tourists with fat suitcases. Moreover, it was an old one without air-conditioning. I couldn’t stand the combination of crowded train without a place to sit and heated up, too. I got out before the train departed and left the platform. Thinking … I could have taken a cab but additional communication skills would have been needed then. I finally decided for another train, a main-line train, where I could at least have a seat and the seat besides was empty until arrival. Then I had to take the bus and a few meters to walk. The decision to visit another emergency doctor turned out to be a good idea. He took his time to explain my condition and asked enough questions to get a good impression of what was going on. I felt understood. Still a difficult way home. At first to the next open pharmastore (on a Saturday …), another round with crowded bus and to walk in the more crowded shopping mile Mariahilfer Straße in Vienna, then into the supermarket to get necessary food to endure the weekend. About 4 hours after I left work I was finally at home.

Now I’m sitting all the day in my apartment thinking about the same shit over and over. There is literally not a single piece of hope in my life at the moment. In a few days my hiking holiday starts… I have a gastrointestinal virus, still a bone edema and a problem with my peroneus nerve leading to numbness in my lower leg when I go hiking upward after a while. The weather forecast is full of shit, very unsettled with lots of showers and thunderstorms each day. I have a few days off later but they look rainy, too. I’m still looking forward to having company. It will be my only holiday with friends, so this gastro shit better gets lost. I don’t know how I should deal with the entire situation when I have to cancel this holiday, too. I fear going to see my general practitioner on Monday, therefore. I don’t accept a ”no” at the moment.

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